Why I Keep Showing Up - Even When It Feels Like No One’s Watching
** Beware, you are about to read a random rant!
I used to be a moderator for a forum of graphic artists. It was years ago. So far back that I can’t even remember the name of the group. But I loved the friendships and connections I made on that forum. I have been looking high and low for an active community of artists, but to no avail. I figured since I can’t find a community, I’ll build one. You know, sorta like the movie Field of Dreams, ‘if you build it, they will come,’ I literally have a sticky note on my cork board as I write this blog post, ‘ it will come.’
Every time I share something, I get stuck in perfectionism, which sucks, especially since no one reads my blog posts anyway… So why do I care if things aren’t exactly perfect? Am I crazy or what? Haha - Yes, the answer is yes, probably, most definitely am.
Another thing is that I can’t really talk about what I blog about with the people closest to me. My sisters, my mom, and even my husband think I’m an odd one for my interest in things like Astrology, Tarot, Moon Phases, and even art in general. They know I am into these things, but have no idea how much so. They definitely do not know that I have spent money on astrology & tarot classes, paid for a domain, and am blogging into the abyss about it. Let me remind you - I’m a touch loco.
Whenever my mom or sister calls and asks what I’m up to, I quickly reply, ‘Oh, nothing,’ and quickly divert the conversation to what they are up to. I feel like no one, REALLY, gets me. You know, like, gets me, gets me. The genuine, authentic me. I don’t hold a grudge or feel any sort of way, I give them grace, and myself too, as we are all works in progress.
So why? Why the hell do I invest so much time and energy into these things? These odd, frivolous things? These oddball (yet beautiful) things, like moon phases, manifesting, and intuition, etc. I really do not know why, except that I feel like it. I suppose I’m like Forest Gump when he ran, ran, and ran, ‘ I just felt like running.’
Maybe someday, ‘it will come’ like I wrote on my post-it note, maybe I will find my tribe of people by building a community, or maybe not. All I know is that I show up because I want to, and that is enough as I am, in fact, enough, and so are you, too.
I permit myself to be a little zany for things that I am passionate about. And life is too short to take things too seriously. So I will continue marching to the beat of my heart, and I encourage you to do the same!
& So It Is.